I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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