Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
