my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
