YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
