is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
