no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
