Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Acid is not a monday night drug
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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