i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
