It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
