So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found your dick twin last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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