I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
