I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
