Only a mothe r could love this liver
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
