sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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