How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
