i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize