Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
