i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
