Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
