Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
