We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
