i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize