so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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