Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize