I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
