I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
