i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
