i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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