I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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