Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
