david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
