I am puke
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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