thus making me awesome and them whores
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
