I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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