I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
