I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
