I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
