dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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