Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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