i need an iv and a liver transplant
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
