she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Your penis caused this!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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