Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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