I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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