At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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