she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
