I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
