Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize