I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
