Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.

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(954): View more from Florida

I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...

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(785): View more from Kansas

Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.

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