how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
