I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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