So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just high enough for therapy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
