help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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