Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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