Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
