summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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