We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
