You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
