Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
