I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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