fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
