Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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