I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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