(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
