I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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