she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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