Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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