Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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