I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize