hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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