you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
