Already got asked if we're dating
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize