My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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