Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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