last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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